Fridge Fright

What an amazing technological world we live in! There are so many new gadgets, devices and options to choose from that make our everyday chores easier and faster.

Thank God for the woman who invented the self-cleaning oven! Gone are the days of spending an entire afternoon sporting rubber gloves, an oxygen mask, and a can of oven cleaner that could eat the chrome off a Harley Davidson.

Or how about the cat lover who thought up the self-cleaning litter box? No more spooning out crumble-coated kitty turds or trying to mask the smell of a feline fiasco with industrial strength Pine Sol.

I heard that now they even make self-cleaning glass! It consists of a 20–30 nm layer of nanocrystalline anatase titanium dioxide deposited by an atmospheric pressure chemical vapor deposition technique onto soda-lime silicate float glass.

(Well- don't ask me how it works- I just think it's long past due!)

But although these great breakthroughs are fantastic, today I realized that there is a market for another product not yet invented.

The self-cleaning refrigerator.

I really needed one of those today.
I spent almost two hours by the light of the fridge bulb- wiping, scraping, spraying, scrubbing- trying to distinguish yesterday's spaghetti from last month's- pouring three mustard jars into one- dating my salad dressing, smelling my cottage cheese, and throwing out mystery meat.

At the risk of sounding like a slob- I tell you it was a job for the Hazmat team! I touched things no human should have to touch, smelled things that make vomit seem sweet, and went through a roll of paper towels and a 30 gallon trash bag.

I'm tired. And ashamed it took me so long to face up to that responsibility.

Who knew what was really lurking behind that milk jug?

How could I have known the applesauce was growing mold that would make Louis Pasteur seem like a weenie?

And how come no one ever told me that fresh cabbage won't last over ninety days?

The only thing that helped me get through the whole fridge-cleaning ordeal was the bottle of Bailey's that's been fermenting in there since Christmas. It was still cold and delicious. And by the time I had finished it off- I was singing yesterdays top 10 hits.

And dancing.

Yet, I realize that  a week  a month six months from now- it will all have to be done again. Unless  some woman sent from Heaven decides to invent a self-cleaning model that virtually eliminates Fridge Fright.

I'll be the first to nominate her for a Nobel Prize.

(And maybe even share my Bailey's...)