Morning Rant

I am not a "shopper" anymore.
Sometime in the past few years I have lost the urge to plunder the local mall and to spend hours touching everything in Target.  I used to enjoy drawing out an entire afternoon into retail therapy. But now my shopping motto has dwindled down to, "Get it- and get the hell out!"

However, this morning I found myself in WalMart at 5:45. I had to drop my husband off at work, so I got an early start on my self-induced grocery torture.

It's really not so bad at that early hour. There are no groups of gabbers blocking the aisles, no rude cashiers having a bad day (yet), and no one else to grab the clearance items that are marked down to amazing dollar store prices.

Plus, at that hour, who's really going to see me? I doubt I'll bump into anyone I know. So fashion can be traded for comfort- (which is my other motto).

Anyway- so there I was- actually enjoying the bit of elbow room. I mean, I could have done jumping jacks without hitting some snotty nose brat, or performed cartwheels down aisle thirteen and not even hit a customer service rep.

It was that good.

I wandered across the store and looked longingly at the autumn displays- the burst of orange leaves and wreaths- fat pumpkins- and caramel apples sprinkled with colorful confetti . There were sweet little containers shaped like candy corn, miniature scarecrows bidding a "happy fall", and all sorts of home goods that reeked of a total home makeover...
But, all of a sudden- BAM!!
Right smack dab in front of me were- can you believe it? Christmas trees!!
Listen, people- the wicked witch hasn't flown over the harvest moon yet- or the Butterball been basted to finger-licking perfection! Why is Santa getting top billing?

I almost expected to hear holiday carols being played over the PA system. but apparently someone at WalMart realizes IT IS JUST SEPTEMBER!!! Please, give us a break!

And while I am venting my unsolicited opinions so eloquently, I must add another pet peeve of mine that I experienced on the entire drive home.

First of all, let me say this- the fog this morning was as thick as pea soup with ham hocks- and no one in their right mind would even venture out of their comfy little homes until the crazy stuff dissipated. (Except me, of course).

And, do you know what? There were people driving WITHOUT THEIR HEADLIGHTS!
Oh, yes, I think it's absolutely magnificent that you can see through the fog- BUT I CAN'T SEE YOU! When you pull that shiny new Camry out in front of me in this fog- YOU ARE INVISIBLE! And it just made me want to ram your sorry invisible ass!

Sorry folks...But, I suppose there are people out there who just don't have much sense. I try not to think about it.
It's scary.

Anyway- I made it home safe where I actually enjoy being a hermit.
I can make autumn last as long as I want here.
And save Christmas for December...

In closing, I just want to say, dear readers, that I hope you have a great first day of autumn!

(And, if it's foggy out there- turn on your headlights, please!)

Oh- and while I'm at it- let me add my internet service provider to those people on my poo-poo list today. Okay? Thanks.